Oli
Two years ago, One '1D' Direction were doing Bonnie Tyler covers on The X Factor, Liam had the best hair in the group and JLS were the biggest boyband in the UK. Clearly, a great deal can change in a couple of years. Now a global phenomenon almost at Bieberish-levels, it's time to 'take stock' and have a listen to their new album. (Marks out of ten are just my guts reactions, so they don't mean a lot unless you want them to).
1. Live While We're Young
We know all about this one. Similar in style to What Makes You Beautiful (cowbells alert!), it doesn't quite have the same charm or sparkle as their debut single. However, I am partial to a bit of the 1D boisterousness, which is certainly in evidence here. 7/10
2. Kiss You
This has a great, bubblegum feel to it, not unlike Cher Lloyd massively addictive (and underrated) debut album. Zayn's voice is in particularly fine form here. Rowdiness is still in evidence, with the na-na-na-na bits reminding me of the Kaiser Chiefs (?!) from back in the day. 8.5/10
3. Little Things
Jesus wept. What a come down after Kiss You! Ed Sheeran's bed-wetting lyrics are a bit much for me to stomach (the 'cup of tea' bit makes me want to punch Louis in the face and he's my favourite member). However, you can't deny how lovely the melody is for the chorus, which ultimately rescues this song from being an unforgivably sappy mess. 6.5/10 (2/10 for the 'authentic' lyrical quality).
4. C'mon, C'mon
This is a bit more like it. It sort of feels like an uptempo song Westlife would have released if they'd been allowed to leave their stools. A bit dated, a bit cheesy, but also a bit of tune. 7.5/10
5. Last First Kiss
*ACOUSTIC GUITAR ALERT* *MIDTEMPO ALERT* *HANG ABOUT THIS CHORUS IS PRETTY GREAT* *I SUPPOSE THE VERSES ARE OK* *THE OOOH-OOOH BITS ARE AMAZING* 8.5/10
6. Heart Attack
We're back to Kiss You territory here, which is no bad thing. I'm not quite sure why it sounds like a baby goat is crying in the background (is that you Niall?). Still, you can't knock a chorus which manages to slip in a Michael Jackson impression without you even realising it. 'Aowah!' 9/10
7. Rock Me
Hmmmm...not convinced with this one. On the one hand, it's quite pleasant to listen to. On the other hand, the chorus goes 'I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me, yeah, I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you caaaaarrre'. Which - let's be honest - is a bit shit. 6.5/10
8. Change My Mind
INSERT BORING ALBUM FILLER HERE. (bonus 1/2 mark for including 't'wards' in a pop song). 5.5/10
9. I Would
While it sounds like something Harry might say about your mother, I Would is a bit more charming than the title implies. Written by McFly, there are lots of great ideas splayed all over the place here (whistles, the '27 tatttoos' bit). But the pre-chorus is a bit sub-The Wanted and unfortunately it doesn't quite hold together. 6/10
10. Over Again
Ed Sheeran's dusted off some boring songs he didn't want for his first album and passed them to One Direction, hasn't he? 6/10
11. Back For You
Put What Makes You Beautiful, One Thing, and Live While We're Young into a blender, and you get Back For You. I was enjoying it at first, but by the final chorus the 'YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU!!!' bit was becoming a bit wearisome, as you might expect. 6.5/10
12. They Don't Know About Us
Piano? Check. Lyrics referencing their first album? Yep. Some generically crap synth strings? For sure. Naturally, I really liked it. 7.5/10
13. Summer Love
This is an unforgivably country-tinged kiss-off pile of wank. Snow in September indeed. 3/10
BONUS TRACK LAND
14. She's Not Afraid
I'm not sure why She's Not Afraid didn't make the main tracklisting. It could have easily replaced a couple of the borathon ballads, and is one of my favourite songs on the album. 9/10
15. Loved You First
Despite the first note sounding like a hoover being switched off (not the most auspicious of starts), Love You First has a fine, effortless powerpop strut about it. Maybe the bonus tracks are where the real 1D magic is hiding? 8.5/10
16. Nobody Compares
There isn't anything particularly memorable going on here. That being said, it goes down very nicely and I wouldn't mind hearing it again if I hadn't heard 15 One Direction songs beforehand. 7/10
17. Still The One
After a mid-album sludge, these final upbeat songs turn Take Me Home from a slight disappointment into a triumphant finale. Still The One is the type of track I enjoy seeing from One Direction - fast, unashamedly melodic tunes that aren't trying particularly hard to be (in Tulisa's words) 'Camden cool'. 7/10
FINAL RECKONING
SEVEN LOUIS' OUT OF TEN. You just can't argue with that sort of logic.
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